Fun Stuff

Take this Shovel and ...

March 28, 2015

Tags: snowblower, winter, ice, shovel, boy, power

The snow cliff in my driveway, aka Canyon Ranch & Spa, shows a geological formation of distinct snow eventss. Ouch.
By Steve Castle

Tired of winter? Fed up with the endless chore of snow removal?

I have perfected the cleanest, most efficient way to remove large piles of snow. No loud snowblowers. No expensive snow plowing.

After years of careful study, I now possess the finest snow removing systems in history.

My finely tuned no-snow systems offer robust performance on demand, with advancements like voice activation. Never are there mechanical problems. Best of all, they are powered by an abundant, almost infinite, renewable source of energy.

That’s right: No gasoline or fossil fuels are required. I only have to feed them ... pancakes.

I speak of Boy Power (TM).

Even better: Teenage Boy Power. Or in marketing terms: Turbo versions.

They are machine-like in their speed and efficiency. Oh, they occasionally whine and moan, but that's quickly remedied with a stern vocal command—and perhaps more pancakes.

I have done the measurements, and cooking breakfast on an electric or gas stove, which you are bound to do anyway, uses a lot less energy and emits considerably less harmful pollutants and greenhouse gases. Your carbon footprint is smaller. (Unless you also cook them onions. Then the methane emissions could go off the charts!)

Even better, Boy Power uses some of this abundant energy source that would otherwise go toward playing video games, chasing girls, and eating cookies and chips.

Boy Power is also healthy! It provides your family members exercise, fresh air and Vitamin D from the sun. And it isn't limited to boys. Girls can participate as well. It's something the whole family can enjoy.

Yes, moms and dads can stay fit this winter as well. Don't want to do your regular run or aerobics that day? Grab a shovel fill it with fun! Make a game out of it. See who can produce the tallest mountain of snow!

I have transformed my own driveway into my personal health club. Some days I work on lifting with the legs. Other days I do forearm curls. Maybe some Ninja Pilates lunges. And with 8-foot climbing walls on each side, I now call this whitened oasis my own Canyon Ranch & Spa. Free memberships are available! After a good workout, treat yourself to a luxurious soak in the tub!

Boy Power not only offers the amazing benefits of a clean and abundant power source, speed, efficiency and convenience features like voice activation, it provides the potential for young minds and bodies to grow and prosper in intangible, some would say spiritual ways:

1. Boy Power builds strength.

2. It builds character, especially this winter.

3. And it builds the indomitable will NOT to live at home when you get out of school.

Because if you do, you will have to shovel!

Steve Castle is a freelance writer who specializes in sustainability issues. To the delight of his youngest son, he is finally getting the family’s snowblower repaired.

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